Planning for Safety

How Safe is Your Relationship?

The following is a checklist of warning signals that will identify if you are in an abusive relationship, answering yes to any of them may alert you to the level of danger in your situation. Whether the violence or abuse has happened once or many times, you are at risk. These behaviours indicate your partner is choosing to use a system of power and control over you

Emotional abuse

• Does he call you names or make you feel bad about the way you look?
• Does he verbally degrade your self-worth by constantly putting you down?

Physical abuse

• Has he ever pushed, shoved, slapped, pinched, punched, or physically hurt you?
• Does he have a history of using violence with others?

Using male privilege

• Does he always see himself as superior or always right?
  
• Does he treat you like you a possession that can be owned?
  
• Does he insist on making all the big decisions?

Using coercion and threats

• Does he use force or coercion to make you do things against your will?
  
• Has threatened to hurt the children, friends, family members or pets?
  
• Has he threatened to report you to Centrelink, Taxation Department, or others?
  
• Has he ever threatened to leave you?
  
• Insist you dress more or less sexually than you want?

Using isolation

• Does he try to control your contact with your family and friends?
  
• Does he need to know where you are constantly?
  
• Does he insist that you are always at home, or only let you out of the house if he is with you or insist on knowing where you are going?
  
• Does he monitor or limit your phone calls, conversations and emails?
  
• Does he check the mileage on the car to see if he can work out where you have been or who you have seen?

Sexual abuse

• Does he pressure you to have sex which is unpleasant, pressured or forced?
  
• Made you do something very humiliating or degrading?
  
• Made you have sex after emotional or physical abuse or when you are sick?

Minimising, denying and blaming

• Does he blame you for his anger and violence, saying it was your fault?
  
• Does he say that you were "asking for it” after physically hitting or abusing you?
  
• Does he deny using violence or say it wasn’t that bad?

Using Intimidation

• Does he smash your belongings or break things around the house?
  
• Has he ever punched holes in the walls or doors?
  
• Is he easily angered and prone to sudden mood swings?
  
• Does your talking to members of the opposite sex result in unfounded jealousy and suspicion that is out of proportion?

Economic abuse

• Taken away your money or controlled how you spend it?
  
• Refused to pay the household bills, or to give any money towards them?

Using the children

• Has he told you that you would lose custody or never see the children again?
  
• Does he question the children to find out information about you?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions then domestic violence is happening in your relationship. Regardless of whether physical abuse has occurred or not you are being abused, and your safety could be at risk. You deserve to be treated with respect and have a life free from violence and abuse.

Safety Planning

Safety of you and your children is extremely important regardless of whether you choose to leave or stay in the relationship. It may be helpful to think about and develop a safety plan in advance so you will know what to do if you are in a situation in the future where you and or your children are at risk of abuse or violence. Safety plans are necessary to assist you to avoid serious injury and escape violence in the future, they are also essential if you decide to leave the relationship so you can separate safely and stay safe after you have separated.

For your safety plan to work it is vital you don't let your partner see the plan, but it is a good idea to talk about it with someone you trust that is close to you. It is important to understand that whilst you can take steps to avoid violence you cannot stop the violence, the only person who can do that is the person who is violent.

A plan to avoid serious injury during a violent incident

During a violent incident at home you must do everything you can to avoid serious injury this may include:

• Leaving the situation if possible.
  
• Knowing the easiest escape routes from the house ‑ doors, windows etc.
  
• Planning where you will go in advance.
  
• Having a safe place to stay arranged that is known only to yourself and your children.
  
• Identifying a neighbour you can tell about the violence and asking them to call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your house. Develop some sort of a code or signal between you where they will know you are in danger.
• Teach your children to phone 000 and practice what to say.
  
• Have the 24 Hour refuge referral number (1800 811 811) memorised or in a place that is easy to find.
• Call the Police as soon as it is safe to report the incident. The police can also arrange safe accommodation for you and your children.

It is essential for children who live in violent homes to have a simple safety plan so they know what to do when domestic violence is occurring, this could include:

• Warning children to stay out of the adult conflicts.
  
• Decide ahead of time on a safe place the children can go when they feel unsafe.
  
• Teach children how to use police and other emergency phone numbers.
  
• Making a list of people the children can trust and talk to when they are feeling unsafe (neighbors, teachers, relatives, friends)

A plan to leave the relationship as safely as possible

• Plan where you could go to be safe such as friends, family or a women’s refuge, always try to take the children with you.
• Keep a small amount of cash to make emergency calls, key cards, house keys, essential medications and important papers together in a place where you can get them quickly or have someone else retrieve them. You may wish to have a copy of these left with someone you trust.
• If you do leave you can always request police to accompany you back to the house to retrieve your personal possessions. Do not put your safety at risk to retrieve property or possessions.
• Make your own list of personal papers you need to take with you this may include:
  Birth certificates
  Marriage certificate
  Domestic Violence Protection Order
  Family Court Orders
  Passports for yourself and children
  Drivers licence
  Insurance policies
  Taxation, employment and Income documents
  Centrelink card or number
  Medicare card or number
  Bank account numbers and statements
  Bank Cards, cheque books, credit cards
  Department of Immigration & Citizenship documentation
  Medical records
• Arrange your transport in advance; a lift from friend or book a taxi
• Ask your doctor to carefully note any evidence of injuries on your patient records.
• Only tell friends and family you are sure you can trust of your plans.

CAUTION!
Leaving can be the most dangerous time
Always consider your safety when planning to leave

Staying safe after separation:

• Inform your children’s school or and child care centre who has permission to collect your children, if you have family court orders a copy may be left with the school.
  
• Arrange for your mail to be redirected to a post office box instead of your new address if you have moved.
  
• Consider reviewing your banking and postal arrangements.
  
• If possible try not to frequent places where you used to go, use different shops and banks to those you used previously.
  
• Increase security on your house or unit by installing an outside sensor lights.
  
• Plan for extra safety between where you park you car and entering your home, e.g. an automatic garage door opener, safety lighting, or removal of shrubs or trees in the area.
  
• Change the locks on your house and ensure the windows are secure. Have security chains fitted to all entry doors and make sure they are used at all times when the door is answered by you or your children.
  
• Arrange for your phone line to have calling number display/caller id and arrange for a private unlisted number.
  
• Keep a mobile phone with you at all times and pre-program any numbers you might need in an emergency; including the Police and DV Connect (24 Hour Refuge Referral Line).
  
• Vary your travel routes to and from work. Keep a map handy and pre plan routes in unknown areas to prevent you from having to leave your vehicle.
  
• Tell neighbours that your partner does not live with you and ask them to call the police if he is seen near your house, or if they hear an assault occurring.
  
• Tell your employer that you have a protection order, or that you are afraid of your ex‑partner, and ask for your telephone calls at work to be screened.
  
• If your ex‑partner breaches the protection order, telephone the Police and report the breach. If the Police do not help, contact your advocate or a legal service for assistance to make a complaint.
  
• Contact the Australian Electoral Commission and ask for your name and address to be excluded from the published electoral role.
  
• Attend a woman's domestic violence support group to help you grow stronger and understand what has happened to you.

Using The Web & Internet Safely

An abuser can discover your Internet activities!

All browsers automatically collect and save details on sites you have visited on the Internet. A person who knows how to read your computer's history or cache file (automatically saved web pages) can access the resulting files to view your Internet activities.

The safest way to surf the Net without risk of your abuser tracking your Internet activities is to do so at a public library, a friend's house, or at your workplace. If using your home computer, delete the cache files in your computer in order to prevent other people from discovering your Internet activities.

To delete all records of history of activities from your computer, carry out the following steps:

1. Go to Start Button
2. Open Windows Control Panel
3. Click on Internet Options
4. Click on General
5. In this Menu Box – click on delete files
6. In the Same Menu Box- click on clear history

How to Apply for a Protection Order

If you wish to apply for a Domestic Violence Protection Order you will need to fill out a Protection Order Application (DV1) these are available from the Magistrates Court Registry or you can download a copy of the form from the Department of Communities website:

http://www.communities.qld.gov.au/violenceprevention/forms/index.html

Going to court

The Domestic Violence Prevention Centre staff are available to discuss with you how to make an Application for a Domestic Violence Protection Order and to explain the court process. Staff can also act as an advocate on your behalf if required. It may be possible for a Police Prosecutor to represent you in court however you must request this at the time of lodging the original application by ticking the appropriate box.

The Domestic Violence Prevention Centre provides court assistance and support to women attending court for Domestic Violence matters. Should you require assistance or information about court procedures or you have any safety concerns contact the Domestic Violence Prevention Centre.

Service of a Protection Order

Once a Domestic Violence Protection Order has been made, it needs to be served by police on the Respondent. The order will not be in place until the Respondent is served and you will not be protected by the order. It may take up to 5 days or longer to serve the order depending on how quickly Police can locate the Respondent. However, if further incidents of domestic violence occur whilst you are waiting for the order to be served you should still report the incident to the police, be sure to tell them you have a protection order and it has not been served.

Reporting a breach of the order

A ‘breach’ occurs when the Respondent either personally, or through another person, does any act, which disobeys any of the conditions on the order. It needs to be proven that the Respondent knew about the order and the conditions on the order before they can be charged. You will need to report the matter to the police, you may be asked to give a statement. This statement would detail what happened, when and where it happened and if there where any witnesses present. The Respondent can then be charged with a breach of the Domestic Violence Order. It is a criminal offence to breach a Domestic Violence Order. If you believe that your order has been breached, record all details. Try to keep as much evidence as possible including what happened, when and where it happened and the names of any witnesses.

If the police charge the Respondent with a breach of the Protection Order they will be arrested and brought before a Magistrate at the Courthouse. If the Respondent pleads guilty they will be sentenced. The Court will either issue the Respondent with a Fine, Order the Respondent to complete the Men’s Domestic Violence Education Program or given a Prison Sentence. If the Respondent pleads not guilty the matter will be sent to a trial or hearing. If the matter is sent to trial you will be required to give evidence at Court.

Understanding the Court Process